I want to provide you with an update to how I did during Lent. As we know, Lent officially ended at the end of the day yesterday (Holy Thursday). Even though Lent is officially over for this season, I do go all the way to Easter with my commitment to this. This just has been the way my family has always done it and personally I think it is just easier to remember that it ends on Easter.
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Posts Tagged ‘Mass’
Update on Lent Plan
Friday, April 2nd, 2010My #1 Challenge with being both gay and Catholic
Monday, October 26th, 2009There are many challenges to being a gay Catholic, but I think the biggest one I struggle with is balancing being gay with being Catholic. What I mean by this is these two things do not seem to exist in the same world. You have your gay scene, where being good looking, in shape, sexual, club hopping, drama queen, and much more. Then you have the Catholic world, where praying, going to Church, reading the bible, doing charitable deeds, and many other things. Now I know that there are some gay people that do charitable deeds, read the bible and I know there are some Catholic individuals whom are focused more on clubbing and engaging in sexual acts. But when you think of what being gay is and what being Catholic is, I think the descriptions I gave above match what the world sees these things as, or at least what I see them as or have experienced in my life.
What I struggle with is finding other gay people that have faith. Honestly, it is not just they need to have faith; it is just one’s that are not looking to meet me to either engage in sexual acts or looking for a relationship. What I would like to meet are people that are just looking to be friends. All right, I do want more than that. I would like those individuals to have a good heart, fun to be around, caring, willing to help out where they can, and just be a good person to be around. I would hope they would share some similar interest as I have, like sports, computers, traveling, music, movies, etc.
Maybe my problem is where I live. The only place I know to meet other gay people in the city I live in is the local gay bar. I am not too keen on meeting guys there. I was in Chicago recently visiting a friend and we went to a gay sports bar to watch the Chicago Bears game. I was surprised to see that many gay people that were into football. Where I live, I do not know really anyone that is gay that follows sports.
The other major problem I have when I go to places like the local gay bar is meeting the wrong people. I am a shy person, so I do not go up and start a conversation with anyone. I wait until someone comes up to have a conversation. This really is not the best way to meet people. Usually the people I do not want to talk do come over and start talking to me. This used to be a big problem for me, but lately not so much. It’s not that these people have stopped talking to me, it’s just that I am much better at figuring out if a person is good for me to hang around or not.
What I am trying to figure out is how to balance the two worlds. It is not as though either world is really accepting of the other. It almost feels like one has to pick either being gay or being Catholic. It is very difficult to find that place in the middle where one is happy in life and can find a way to identify with both worlds.
So the quest for me now is really to figure out how to balance these two world. How can they somehow coexist in my life? Are there many gay people out there that believe in God and would accept me for having faith?
I don’t remember if I shared this story or not, but I was at the local gay bar a few years ago. This good-looking guy comes up to me and we have a conversation. After talking for a while, he asked me what I was doing the next morning (I think he wanted to come home with me) and I told him I was going to Mass. He kind of looked at me like he was shocked a person whom is gay was going to go to Mass. He then told me that he used to be Catholic, but he is not sure what he is now. How sad is that? A person whom lost his faith all because he was gay. I wonder if he would still have faith in God if there was either more role models for gay Catholics to show the youth that one can be both or if the Church did a better job at expressing its view on living a life being gay and Catholic. When I say views of living, I am talking about sharing how one can live their lives in a positive way, not just focusing on the negatives.
Are there others out there that struggle with the same issue? I know I have meet a few people through this website that I know struggle with this issue, but if you also struggle with this issue, do not be afraid to leave a comment or send me a message. I have found it easier to deal with this issue knowing that I am not the only one with this problem.
Standing with God
Monday, September 14th, 2009Abraham spoke up again: “See how I am presuming to speak to my Lord, though I am but dust and ashes!” – Genesis 18:27
If you are wondering why I started this posting from a quote from the Bible, it is simple; I think it is a very important verse. Here we have a man, just like you and me, made of dust and ash, talking to God as if he was talking to his neighbor or coworker. He just speaks and God is there to respond. Very simple but yet so powerful is the act of talking to God.
I bring all this up because in one of my recent postings, I talked about how I am going to head down the correct path. How when I came to the fork in the road, I am working on heading in the right direction. The posting was vague; I really did not explain what I was trying to express. I am sure it also may have sounded like it came out of nowhere. I will attempt to clarify some of that here in this posting.
In another previous posting, I spoke about how I started to attend Mass again after not going for such a long time. One question that I have been asked several times was why did I stop attending Mass in the first place after I started telling people that I started going again. In that posting, I said that the reason I stopped attending was I did not like attending Mass alone. As I have had some time to think about this, I have realized that there is a much deeper message in that statement. The reason I stop attending Mass wasn’t just because I didn’t have anyone to go with, but I stopped feeling God there with me in the sense that I had come accustomed too. It was almost as though He was no longer there with me. I think that was the biggest reason to why I stopped attending Mass.
So now we flash forward a few years to the point where I decided to go back to Church. I started having this feeling as though I needed to go back for some reason. About a week after I attended that first Mass, God explained to me why I no longer felt Him in the same why I had before. He let me know that I no longer needed to depend on him like I did in the past, which was similar to a baby depending on his mom for everything. He let me know that I now can stand next to Him, similar to what Abraham was doing when he was talking to God about Sodom. I am now able to stand next to God and have a conversation similar to those Abraham had.
The reason why this all scares me is because I have been a depended person all my life. But lately I have been feeling that God has been working on putting me in positions where I need to lead, not depended on others. There seems to be more situations in my life then ever where I need to stand on my own two feet and do what is right, not only for me, but for others around me. Doing these things are totally out of character for me and most often, not comfortable doing. However, I do do most of the stuff that I feel God is asking me to do.
Yes, it is scary to stand on one’s own two feet when they are not used to doing so. But I do find comfort in knowing that God is the one that wants me to stand next to Him. That He will still be there with me, just in a little bit of a different role than before. I do look forward to doing all I can to help others out and making as many positive changes as I can to this world. I know this road will not be easy, but I know it’s the right road to be on.
Usually I try to end my postings with a question, but I do not really know what to ask here. I guess all that I can ask is that we keep praying for each other because God does listen.
